Holding Hands: Shame and Silence

"Silence breeds shame every bit as much as shame breeds further silence."
--- Kaufman and Raphael (1997)


When we read this quote, it struck a chord in us about how those of the GLBT Community choose to, and are almost forced to, conduct their lives in order to feel safe in the world. We immediately wanted to share our thoughts and views about what these words mean to us. We hope it inspires you to do the same.

The relationship between silence and shame is one of give and take. If you give silence the chance to live, shame will walk in the open door and move right in with it. Once inside, it will be strengthened by the power of the silence and grow more confident. The two will continue to feed off of each other in an endless cycle. If we want shame to weaken, we must break the silence and be able to speak it an let it know it has no power here. --JOSH

If you are not allowed to be honest and speak to yourself and others, there is no way you can get out of the cycle of being uncomfortable in your own skin.
--Israel

There is a cyclical relationship between shame and silence. When the world refuses to discuss the shameful issues of all the world's people, all the world's people feel it is unacceptable to discuss their personal shame. When all the world's people refuse to discuss their personal shame, the world experiences darkness and disconnection. Unsilencing all the shame in the world and in our lives is the key to ending isolation and fear, and facilitating compassion and connection. --Allison

The more we need to talk about something, the harder it is to talk about it and therefore it doesn’t get done…so whatever the issue is…it just gets worse and worse. Often times, the gay community is forced to remain silent about their personal lives and dwell in the discriminatory labels created by society, thus, the gay community is never heard. --Gina

The silencing of shame has led us to think that nobody else in the world has shame; therefore, we are ashamed to admit that we really do have shame! Our levels of shame drive us into further silence, and thus, drive us all into further shame. --Ashley