Giving Shame a Voice

We thought, how can we provide you with information to help you understand shame in the GLBT Community?

We decided to create this series, Giving Shame a Voice, to give you insight into the shame experienced by gays, lesbians, and bisexuals. Throughout this blog, you will find postings that feature a different individual reaching out and speaking shame.

The questions we posed include:

1. When did you first know that you were gay?
2. Have you ever felt shame? Describe it.
3. When, and how, did you become aware that you were experiencing shame?
4. Describe a time when you felt isolated or alone in the world?
5. Explain a time when you weren't comfortable with yourself. When, or how, did you get to a place where you eventually were?
6. If you could go back and see yourself at a time when you were experiencing shame and darkness, what would you say to your past self?
7. What stereotypes apply to the GLBT Community? Have you ever been victim of such labels?

We instantly loved the idea of creating this blog series! We were aware that no two people experience shame in the same way, nor express shame in the way same, so the thought of being able to offer several perspectives and viewpoints made us very excited!

Please follow this series, and be mindful and respectful with your comments, as they are the real words of real people!


Note: We obtained permission from our interviewees to post their responses on this blog for educational purposes, but we have changed the names on each posting to respect their right to privacy. We thank them for their participation.

Shame, Empathy, and Resilience

"Shame is something we all experience. And, while it feels like shame hides in our darkest corners, it actually tends to lurk in all of the familiar places, including appearance and body image, motherhood, family, parenting, money and work, mental and physical health, addication, sex, aging, and religion."
-- Brene Brown, PhD, LMSW

Dr. Brown, our educator and renowned shame researcher, defines shame as "the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging."

After a decade of researching shame in the lives of many men and women across the United States, she developed a grounded theory known as the Shame Resilience Model.

Watch the video below to learn more about this concept of shame and the Shame Resilience Model. What better way to learn than from the researcher herself?



Through reading the postings on this blog, our hope is to highlight each of the elements of the Shame Resilience Model with regard to the shame experiences within the GLBT Community. The elements are as follows:

1) recognizing shame and triggers,
2) practicing critical awareness,
3) reaching out, and
4) speaking shame.

The goal is to build empathy and compassion for the GLBT Community.
Dr. Brown cites Teresa Wiseman, a nursing scholar in England, who identifies four defining attributes of empathy, which are:
1) to be able to see the world as others see it
2) to be non-judgmental
3) to understand another person's feelings
4) to communicate your understanding of that person's feelings.

Dr. Brown cites Pema Chodron, who describes the concept of compassion in her book The Places That Scare You by writing, "When we practice generating compassion, we can expect to experience the fear of our pain. Compassion practice is daring. It involves learning to relax and allow ourselves to move gently toward what scares us. The trick to going this is to stay with emotional distress without tightening into aversion, to let fear soften us rather than harden into resistence."

We hope that through reading these posts, our fellow social work students can understand the shame experiences in the GLBT Community, examplify empathy and compassion, and learn how they can implement the Shame Resilience Model in their practice.

Details about The Shame Resilience Model can be found in Dr. Brown's book, I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn't): Telling the Truth About Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power. However, the diagram depicting the model is featured below.

Shame Resiliency Model - Upload a Document to Scribd

Read this document on Scribd: Shame Resiliency Model